I’m not well! This head cold is getting to me. I have no energy left at all. I had a terrific dinner at Kelsey’s with Devon tonight. Well, due to my cold I couldn’t really taste anything, but Devon assures me it was good. Watching girls shop for stuff can be tedious! Now I’m back home, and even though it’s only 9 I am going to go to bed. Tomorrow I’ll be all better, I hope.

We watched Donnie Brasco. It was alright. Not the most exciting movie I’ve ever seen, but it filled up some time in an otherwise uneventful evening. We also watched several episodes of Who’s Line Is It Anyways. We also drank several pots of coffee. Possibly four of them. That averages out to almost a pot per person. Oops. We also didn’t sleep at all. SO, we went to the grocery store this morning to get some breakfast food, we’re now making it, and after that I may sleep for much of the day. There was some things I’d meant to do around town before supper, but I expect they can wait. Also, strange things go on inside your head when it’s 5am and you’ve had way too much coffee and you’re trying desperately to sleep but it’s not working. Bad idea. Won’t do it again… Ha ha ha. I remember saying that before.

“Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.”

“The commune movement is part of a reawakening of belief in the possibilities for utopia that existed in the nineteenth century and exist again today, a belief that by creating the right social institution, human satisfaction and growth can be achieved.”
- Rosabeth Moss Kanter

You don’t have to live in the same house to have a commune. The lot of us are out of money and jobs at the moment, but Rob pawned a gamecube today to get enough money for us all to have some cigarettes and some supper. It’s really great to have this group of friends who look after each other even when they’re not in a super place themselves! I think people often completely give up on the idea of a commune because they’re seeking some sort of utopia that seems impossible to get to. I think there’s a likelyhood that we’ll never achieve that utopia, but we can still make things better by heading in that direction regardless.

I’m still sick, but I feel pretty good about life in general now. Rob, Trevor, and Morgan are on their way over and we’re going to relax and watch Donnie Brasco. I haven’t seen it yet, but it’s got Jonny Depp, and he’s usually pretty interesting to watch. This is my last day without money, and so far, other than the cold, it’s turning out a lot better than expected. And come tomorrow, there’s a whole new month of adventure ahead.

Still sick. It’s just a head cold, so don’t panic. It’s not dangerous, just very annoying. Damn you Owen! I blame this on you. As little as I slept the night before too, I just couldn’t fall asleep well, or stay asleep for more than half an hour last night. It was pretty crappy. I thought I might be working on the OSCVI musical stuff today, but some important tapes and the camera haven’t been dropped off yet today, so that might get put off until later. It’s for the best, I expect, because I’m too sick to do a good job of anything today. One of the benefits of being this sick is that I’m definitly not craving a cigarette, and I don’t have any right now. I’m going to lay down again or something.

My throat is good and sore, and most of my muscles ache. I think I haven’t been sleeping enough. There was a party for Tunga’s birthday party in Chatsworth last night. It was a pretty good time, but we stayed up very, very late, and now I’m sick. Also I remembered that I really don’t like beer last night. It only took four. I almost destroyed my old guitar, but some people are pretty attached to it.

What do you do when you have a friend who’s in a bad situation, but nothing you can say will possibly help, and only they have the power to fix that situation, but aren’t? It’s hard to watch people you love going through pain and not being able to do a damned thing about it. And it seems to me there’s an awful lot of that going on lately. Oh, to be ignorant and self centered so that those sorts of things wouldn’t bother me! No… I wouldn’t want to live like that at all. But maybe I woudn’t know any better then.

TV will solve all of life’s problems obviously. Lucky, tonight is an all new episode of American Dad. Hooray!

The bar is not fun. It’s not a nice place at all. I don’t really understand how I enjoyed going there back in high school at all. I guess I must have been too drunk to notice how dumb it was. I met up with Devon and a crazy friend of her’s named Jenn, and we meandered over to Brother’s. It wasn’t so busy when we got there, but by midnight it was starting to get hard to move around in there without running into people. It’s scary trying to navigate a dense crowd of drunken jocks who look like they’d kick your ass for any reason they could possibly find. It was a bizzare revelation to witness the seething mass of too much testosterone and estrogen. I don’t think I’ll go back again any time soon.

I would have left the bar right away if Devon hadn’t paid for me to get in. I did leave after an hour and wandered over to Tunga’s place, where he was hanging out with Trevor and Morgan. But I didn’t feel very settled, so I left after not too long. I thought I’d give the bar one last chance and see if Devon and Jenn were still there. They were, and they were drunk enough to be fairly amusing, so I stuck around for a bit. Cara came by after work. Morgan and Trevor also showed up. Jimmy and Erro dropped by randomly and dragged us to a party that was already over. We came back here, smoked up a bit, and talked nonsense until it was time for sleep.

Today’s been pretty mundane. I don’t want to do much of anything, but by popular demand, I’m going out to Chatsworth for Tunga’s birthday party. It should be alright, I’m sure. I just don’t feel like being sociable. But I’ll make an effort, just because it’s Tunga’s birthday. It’s a nice day out, so I think a walk might be in order. It might help.

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”
- Hunter S Thompson

“Error: You must be someone’s friend to make comments about them.”

That’s what message came up when I clicked on “comment on this image” on my own MySpace profile picture. Apparently I’m not my own friend. The sentence was humorous to me regardless of the fact that it was my own picture.

This evening was nice. Devon fed me pizza. Then I dragged her out of the house for an hour because I was afraid she was going to kill her children. They ARE quite frustrating sometimes, and I can only imagine how it could wear on you being stuck inside with them all day, every day. I wish I could do more, but I don’t think there’s much I can do, short of murdering the children. But I don’t think I could do that. They scream too much.

I may be going to visit the bar tonight. I haven’t been there in a very long time. I don’t think I like it very much, but it’s not far from home, so I can always bail if I get tired of it. I don’t think I’ll like the music much either.

Plans for next weekend (Feb 3-5): I’ll be taking a bus to Kitchener on friday morning to go to an unspecified party in Kitchener that night (more about that after I get back), then saturday taking a bus to Toronto to hang out at Wayne Manor for the afternoon/evening, then DarkRave that night. Sunday morning, bus back here. Sunday night I have booked TV. Football is thankfully taking a break for the week. So if you’re looking for me around here, I’ll be gone.

I’ve added a webcam section to my weblog. If you click on the picture under the title “Webcam” on the sidebar (or bottom bar for you firefox users ) you can view the full size picture, as well as the previous 5 pictures I took. Now you can see what’s going on in my house! You pervert.

After finishing editing I went over to Rob’s mom’s house, where Trevor, Morgan, Owen, and Rob were. We just watched TV for a bit. I bailed out at 2am, but it was good to get away from the house for a bit, especially when I’m working from there. I meant to sleep when I got back, but I got sidetracked by the Internet. Damn you Internet. Then I got into Red Storm, by Tom Clancy. I think it’s his best novel, before he started wasting all his time on character developement. So it was 4:20am when I finally turned off the light and went to sleep.

I woke up once. It was maybe 11 this morning. That was too early. So I went back to sleep. What followed was one of the most bizzare, scary, disturbing string of dreams I’ve had in a long time. I can’t describe them now because I can’t remember the details very well, but I’m kind of glad that I can’t. I was awoken by the phone none too soon. It was Michelle fortunately. I felt pretty disoriented, confused, and uncomfortable. The feeling’s fading now, but I’m going to go chase it out with a trip to the Bean Cellar. It’s butter pecan coffee day! Then back to more musical work. Hooray…

UPDATE: I realized I don’t really have the funding for the Bean Cellar right now. So Owen’s coming here, where I have two giant tins of coffee, some of which I’m going to make.

I plowed through the editing today and got both acts done! Hooray!! Tomorrow I’ll make the DVD cover art and DVD menus. That’ll be easy stuff. I have to wait on my dad now to get me some extra shots we’re going to edit in, which he won’t have until monday, so that leaves me with the weekend free to party or something. My eye is pretty tired now. I’ve been staring at this screen since three this afternoon, minus an hour supper break around 9pm. It’s pretty satisfying to have this done. Now I’m off because I’m afraid if I look at this computer monitor any longer something bad will happen to my eyes.

“Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.”
- Bob Dylan

Jimmy Carter’s secret mission for peace

Alright, I started this post much earlier, so I’m not actually just getting up now. I got distracted by editing! I’ve put another hour in today and am about halfway through the first act. I’ll hopefully have act one done by tonight and be started on two. I’m taking a short coffee break at the Bean Cellar in a bit with Rob, and maybe Owen if he wakes up. I fear I might get sick if I drink too much more coffee today.

I was up pretty late last night. Our friend who was arrested got out after only a few hours and came by here when they let him go. Turns out the police have had a warrant out for him for four years for a failure to comply with the terms of his probation. The OPSEU workers, which includes probation officers, were on strike while he was on probation and never notified him of a final meeting with them. We’re hoping this will all get cleared up in court. It’s all very odd, because he’s been stopped by the police and had his name run through the system a dozen or more times between then and now and nothing came up.

“The 20th century has been characterized by three developments of great political importance: The growth of democracy, the growth of corporate power, and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy.”
- Alex Carey

1) Apparently you have to have $1000 to file nomination papers to run as a local candidate of any party. So only rich people can run. We’re not giving up though. We’re going to see what we can do.

2) A good friend of ours got fired recently because a coworker found some weed in his coat pocket and told on him. But he thinks that coworker also smokes weed.

3) That same friend got arrested tonight on a very old warrant for failure to talk to his probation officer or something. But while he was on probation, which he finished several years ago, the probation people went on strike, and never got back to him when they stopped striking. So now he’s down at the police station and we don’t really know what’s going on.

4) I’ve lost what little motivation I had to do any editing tonight. My brain’s too scrambled now. I was making such good progress today too!

I had other things to post about before I went to bed, but understandably they’ve all escaped my memory. All in all, today warrants a resounding “WTF??”

My dad’s taking me out for dinner. I’m getting my coffee back from the mall. I discovered a few shortcuts that will really help out with the video editing. I have some coffee and cigarettes now. Stephen Harper won’t be able to fuck up the country too much with such a small minority. Things are looking up!

“Yesterday I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I don’t know.”
- Groucho Marx

Hours spent editing so far: 2

I stayed up far too late talking passionately about politics and religion with Owen. I’d really been trying to avoid those subjects lately. I’m not sure why. Anyhow, I probably should have been doing some video editing… I AM going to get to that today, right after this episode of American Dad. Staying up too late and not having slept more than a few hours a night over the past week may have made me a bit sick too. Hopefully it doesn’t get any worse!

“The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.” - Mitch Ratcliffe.

Hours spent editing so far: 0

I’m feeling much better now. Got some coffee, food, nicotiene, and television. It’s been a lazy day. On another positive note, I discovered that the audio from the cameras is much better than expected. The video is saved, hooray! Oh, and if you show up to visit while I’m editing, if you happen to have a coffee and/or cigarette for me, I’ll probably let you in for a bit.

Hours spent editing so far: 0

Plans for last night got severly altered. But that’s ok. We had fun anyways. Trevor, Morgan, Rob, and Owen were over until 6 in the morning. We had some wonderful conversation and plotted to take over the World, or something like that. This morning I feel like crap. My brain is mush and my body feels… tired? I’ve got to get out of the house or I think I will continue to feel this way forever, so Michelle is coming into town and we’re going to accost the Bean Cellar. Then I have to edit edit edit. I’m behind schedule already. I don’t want to end up cramming this time, so I better get to it. Damned procrastination and lack of motivation. Damn vowels!

Hours spent editing so far: 0 *

* I did import all the video from the tapes to my computer however, which while it wasn’t really hard work, took a long long time.

Owen and I have decided that there’s a lack of diversity in the parties running candidates in our area. So to remedy this, for the next federal election (which will hopefully be real soon if Stephen Harper indeed becomes the Prime Minister tonight) we’re going to run as candidates here. Owen will run for the Communist Party of Canada, and I will be running for the Marijuana Party of Canada. It’s probably partly for entertainment value (imagine when Owen and I get to square off at the candidates’ debate) and partly to make some sort of socio-political statement. We’re not exactly sure what statement yet, but it will be a good one I’m sure. I’ve got a lot of things to research first, but this is a definite plan.

Hours spent editing so far: 0

I’ve already wasted day one of editing. It’s not entirely my fault though. I haven’t got the tapes or the camera to import them yet. My dad called early in the morning (10am, not really early I guess) and I was too tired to think coherently. He could have dropped the stuff off and I could have gone back to bed. Instead, I told him to drop the stuff off after school. Now I’m up on the East Side and I fear my dad may not check his voice mail to know he needs to pick me up here before he goes to my place. Not my problem though.

I believe if I put a lot of effort into it I can have the editing for this project done in 3 or 4 days, and the DVD production in another couple days. Hoever, motivation always seems to be the trouble. Which is why I seriously mean it when I say I’m abstaining from any sort of partying or too much socializing for the next few weeks. I want to have this project done by DarkRave. So if you randomly show up at my door without calling, don’t be suprised if I turn you away.

There seems to be a surreal feeling in the air today. Kind of like the feeling I get post-trip, but I haven’t been on any lately. I might just be burnt out from lack of sleep and other things. There’s a possibility I might not be posting much over the next while, but here’s what the entries would say if I did:

“Today I edited a lot. That’s all I did. I haven’t slept in several days now. Please help me! (Bring caffiene!)”

So after much eager excitement, we were crushed to discover that once again, the shows we were planning on watching were pre-empted by a damned football game. I’m furious! Well, not quite, but only because due to extenuating circumstances I’m too complacent to care that much. But I was angry for a moment. There’s really nothing on any of the other channels either. I suppose not watching TV would be a viable option. But it’s what we set out to do, and damned if I’m not going to have my night of mindless indulgance.

Jamie passed out on the couch. Again. Maybe he’s narcoleptic or something.

Michelle’s making perogies. They might be delicious.

None of this is important, so stop reading now!
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Why didnt you listen? Now I can’t trust you.

I went to church this morning, just for some entertainment. Nothing better to do on a Sunday morning, other than sleep maybe, but that didn’t seem to be working out. SO, I read some Clancy, sang the songs in funny voices, and otherwise acted entirely inapropriately. The first half of the sermon seemed alright. The pastor was talking about how good little Christians should be doing nice stuff for people less fortunate then themselves, kind of like that Jesus guy. But after about ten minutes of that he slipped into the same old religious dogmatic meaningless crap that made me fed up with the whole operation in the first place. I capped off the ordeal by getting into a discussion with someone about why they are voting for Stephen Harper. The main reason? Because he’s not Paul Martin. After explaining, possibly with some hyerbole, how Stephen will destroy the world, she responded with “That’s alright. Jesus is coming back soon anyways.” Help me!

Today is TV day. Not that I don’t watch TV other days, but the new funny shows are on tongiht. It will be my final night of real relaxation before I have to start editing the musical. A reminder to those of you who would like to come visit me: I will be quite busy for the next while, BUT I’m sure it would be good for me to take breaks every once in a while, and I do want to see you all. So if you are bored and want to come visit, please phone or message me first to make sure I’m not in the middle of editing. I won’t turn you away at the door if you just show up, but if I’m on a roll I’d like to avoid getting distracted. I’m hoping to get this project done very quickly so I can get back to the important things. You know what I mean. Yes, you.

One last post before bed! In case you were wondering, the filming went alright. Not super, not terrible. It’s tough using equipment you’ve never seen before and had no time to practice on before the show. Things were a bit chaotic at first. Cannon did not make the controls on their XL-1 very intuitive or user friendly. Once the show got underway I also seemed to be having troubles with gapping out and forgetting what I was doing. The two hours just flew by, but my brain felt sluggish and not quite sharp enough for the quick reaction time filming a live event requires. BUT, I’m confident we have enough good shots between the three cameras to make a pretty looking finished product. My only fear is that after a few weeks of hearing the same songs over and over again during editing, I will never be able to get them out of my head. We DO have a plan for this, but it requires some supplies that we can’t seem to get our hands on at the moment. Now, it’s time for bed. Goodnight!

I upgraded to WordPress 2.0 and installed a plugin that allows me to give users specific access levels. So, if you want to read my private posts, register and send me an e-mail and let me know (apparently I get an e-mail when you register anyways) and if I like you, I’ll give you access!

If I know you, the chances of you not getting access are small. My main intent is to keep certain information out of the view of the general public. I don’t typically post anything relevant to any certain person that I wouldn’t want that person to see. This is just some basic security so that I can write more freely about some things.

In order to see the private posts, you also need to login. You can do so by clicking on the link that says “login” on the menu to your right*. You’ll know an entry you’re reading is hidden from the general public when you see this graphic () in front of the title.

* I have yet to fix the problem with the menu displaying at the bottom instead of the right side in firefox browsers. As I don’t use firefox, this hasn’t been my main priority, but I assure you, I will get around to it eventually.

Just because I know there are some of you reading my blog who like this sort of thing…

I read a lot about pretentious bloggers today, and how they all think that their opinions are so important the rest of the planet will undoubtedly find it relevant and exciting to read. It got me thinking about why I write here. Initially I started this weblog as a way to convey to friends who I don’t talk to near enough all of the crazy stuff that’s been happening here. December was a crazy sort of month. We were working on the house in Chatsworth a lot, and people often had questions about what was going on there, and how the poeple living there were. So I’ve tried to keep opinion out of here as much as possible. The people who need to know them already do.

Recently though, I’ve stopped hanging out in Chatsworth as much as I was. I still make it out once or twice a week. But it’s not the same. There are some reasons for this that I’m still processing. We’re all still on good terms, if you were wondering. However, this has led to a change in the things I have to write about. I don’t really know what to say on this blog these days. It feels mundane just writing narrative about what I’ve done for the day, though I’m sure there are some of you reading this may indeed be interested in that sort of thing. I haven’t got any deep thoughts about life or the universe or anything really to put down right now, and if I had them, I’m not sure here is where I’d want to do that anyways.

Anyhow… I’m still half asleep. I’ve been sleeping in until well past noon for what seems like weeks, but maybe hasn’t been that long. Either way, I want to get out of that habbit. It messes up my day. I’m also out of cream again, which makes the coffee not quite as wonderful. This post is a lot more coherent than my brain feels, which isn’t very…

Tonight Martin and I are filming the musical at OSCVI. If everything’s been set up right already this should be a fairly easy job. If not, it could prove to be rediculously stressful. My biggest fear is that I’m going to get the show tunes stuck in my head while editing it, and this time I don’t have anything to get them out with… You know what I mean. Hopefully that will be fixed real soon too. On that note, anyone who can find me even just one or two of those things we’ve been desperately looking for by February 3rd, you will be greatly rewarded!

Why is everyone congradulating me and my family for making a baby? It’s not like it’s hard! You don’t even really need any special training. Now, keeping the baby alive, that’s the trick!

And if I catch anyone saying “Wow, look how much she’s grown!” in the future, I will hit them with a big stick. It’s not amazing, it’s what babies do.

So I’m an uncle now. My little sister made a baby. It’s a girl apparently, and they’ve named her Isabella. She was born at 6 in the freekin’ morning! I don’t know if it would have mattered if I didn’t know this instantly when it happened, but that was when I was notified. Sleep and me, we aren’t getting along so well this week. Coffee on the other hand…

There was an impromptu party at my house a couple nights ago. We watched Party Monster, a movie about some New York club kids. It failed to amuse me. Interesting story though. I thought the main characters acting was terrible until I read from people who know the guys they were portraying that the acting was dead on. So I guess I just don’t like the people the movie was about. I also realized that it’s hard to fit ten people comfortably in front of the TV at my place, and still be able to get into the fridge. I may have to reorganize! I’m not sure if I should do it before or after this upcoming video project though. The reorganization would involve dismantling my computer.

Time to find some coffee… there’ll be much more to write later.

I had another one of those bizarre mind-muddling dreams this morning. Seems I can produce them at will now though. The trick is to go back to sleep after waking up at some reasonable hour, and laying on my right side. The one this morning was very Orwellian. The first half seemed monotonous, trudging around in some oppresive community. The second half involved breaking out, getting chased by the enforcers of whatever rules I was breaking, getting caught… then waking up, with my head swimming. I’m not sure if this is some subconcious reflection of real life or what. Seems to be a common theme in my dreams these days though. I don’t think I’ve been consuming much of that nature of media lately, but it’s the sort of thing that sticks in your mind, especially when it seems disturbingly close to real life these days.

In other news… Stephen Harper as the new Prime Minister? Yikes. I don’t much like Paul Martin, but it seems to me like I would like Harper even less. I’ve lost nearly any faith in politics I had, which wasn’t much to start with. If things continue to go downhill, it may soon be time for drastic action. I hope someone else gets the ball rolling though. I don’t even know where to start. Being good at being a leader doesn’t mean you have to like it, does it?

It’s been an interesting afternoon. More on that later perhaps.

Last night was TV night. I think we’ll make it a custom or tradition or whatever. As much as I hate those things (traditions AND TV) it’s nice to relax with some good friends one night a week for some predetermined purpose. So anyways, after making some delicious tacos, we were all set to watch the latest episodes of The Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad. Well, wouldn’t you know it, there was a football game on. If there’s one thing I hate more than sports on TV, it’s when those sports usurp shows I was planning on watching. But Jamie assured me the game would be over in time for our shows. He was right. It was. And then much to my suprise, instead of airing those shows, FOX decided to air a 2 hour special of “24″ instead. I used a lot of expletives to describe my feelings then.

I slept well and long last night. But I had some more of those funny dreams that cause confusion about reality which lingers on well after you’ve woken up. I don’t even remember waking up oddly. One moment I was deep in dreamland, the next I was awake, and it took a few moments to realize that I was now in the real world. I’m almost certain now that the weird dreams are directly related to sleeping on one particular side, and they also seem to come when I’ve woken up at a normal time in the morning but then fall back asleep. It doesn’t make for the greatest start to the day. Also, my throat was sore and my nose stuffed up. It seems colder in here than normal despite having the thermostat higher than usual. I might be sick.

Friends are coming over tonight (yes, that’s you Rob and Trevor!) to make me party. I’m not really entirely sure if it would be a good idea or if I want to. We’ll negotiate later. I have a lot of things to consider. It won’t come down to a coin toss this time. I appreciate the gesture, but I hope they won’t be too let down if I opt out. Chances are 50/50 I think. We’ll have to see how the day progresses. I don’t think I’ll clean today. My motivation seems to have packed its bags and run out on me while I was sleeping. It doesn’t seem likely that it will come back today.

It’s after noon now, and I hope someone shows up soon. A few different people may drop by. I need some ambition to do something other than sit here and stare at the computer monitor. The only other option that seems feasible at the moment is watching TV. I dont have to get up to do that. But I don’t really want to. I just feel sick and unenergetic. Bleah!

I read this on the Internet this morning, and thought it was funny:

The Feynman Problem Solving Algorithm:
1) Write down the problem.
2) Think very hard.
3) Write down the solution.

Last night was fun. I slept after supper until 10pm. Then I got a call from some old friends and we hung out and partied, sort of, until one in the morning. I’ve likely scrambled my sleeping schedule again, but it’s not the first time, and it sure won’t be the last. All in all, yesterday was one of the best days ever. Things seem to be coming around again. Undoubtedly there will still be rough patches in the future, but I”ll worry about those when they come up. For now I’m going to enjoy the goodness.

It’s -10C out, which isn’t really too cold for the time of year, but after a week of above zero tempuratures it’s going to feel quite cold. I’m about to bundle up and meander over to the East side, where I will try to find something entertaining to do for the afternoon. Tonight is new TV show night. Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad. What a waste of time! But it’s oh so funny. I’ll do the dishes tomorrow (I don’t know how many days in a row I’ve said that now). There’s not much motivation to do dishes when you’ve got no food to eat off them anyways. But left too long I’m sure they’ll start to grow things that won’t be very pleasant to clean.

This upcoming week would be the time to come accost me if you want to hang out and have fun. After that I’ll be working on that video editing project, so I won’t have so much time to relax.

After an hour of sleep Michelle and I went to a wedding show. It was everything I expected… We got some business recon done though. Bride-to-be’s are funny people. Got some coffee from the Bean Cellar. Visited Sally, who I haven’t seen in a while. It’s good to reconnect with old friends that I don’t see often every once in a while. Next week I get to shoot and edit a musical that OSCVI is putting on. It’ll be a lot of work, but will hopefully result in a bit of spare revenue. I’m also hopeing to get some things from Toronto, but we’re having some supply difficulties. Lots of fun will be had once that’s sorted out. Now I’m going to relax and watch some funny television.

Martin, Michelle and I have been up all night working on Michelle’s wedding photography website. My estimate last night around 8 that the whole thing couldn’t possibly take more than half an hour may have been a bit low. BUT, things are looking very good. I think Martin’s delerious. I think I am too. Michelle’s actually gone to sleep because we’re done with her now… Coffee seems like a neat idea, but could possibly be detrimental to my physical health at this point. Fortunately I have nothing important to do today, so I can sleep all I want. And by concensus, Trivial Persuit 90’s edition is the dumbest game in the Universe. Unless you were sitting in front of the TV for the entire decade, and have a memory like an elephant (they do have good memories, don’t they? I can’t remember) then it takes forever to finish. I would like to lay down for a nap, but someone has stolen my couch. He’ll pay for it later. Karma’s on my side.

I’m out of bed, showered, fed, and dressed, all before noon! Let’s see if today goes any better. My negative sentiments at any given moment, yesterday for example, rarely last through the next morning, unless particular conditions causing them continue. I’m continually willing to give things yet another chance to try again. It’s how I deal with people too. No matter how mad I am I’m always willing to start over again. Anyhow, I’m going to go for a walk. I don’t really have a plan, and I haven’t walked without a preset destination in a long time. I’ve loaded up my MP3 player with my favourite tunes, it’s nice outside. This could be fun.

I slept all evening. I was annoyed that I waited all day for something that never ended up happening, and in the process managed not to get other things done that I should have. For the record, I was upset about it all, now I just don’t care anymore. These things happen. Anyways, now I’m up and not really tired at 1:30am and there’s no-one online to talk to and nothing to do. I think I’ve seen everything on the Internet that there is to see. I’m out of money, food, and cigarettes. This month is terrible, and I can’t wait for it to be over. I wouldn’t mind skipping February as well. March should be good. It’s my birthday then, and there will be plenty of good partying to be had. I’ll hold out for then. It’s going to be a long winter. Bleah.

Today is the worst day ever. Which is a fucking shame, because the weather was so nice.

Today feels a bit surreal. I suspect the weather might be helping with this feeling. I also suspect other things that I’m not going to write about. It seems like every once in a while when things are going badly, it helps to forcibly rewire your brain. Sometimes it has the opposite effect. Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a long while. Everything was going perfectly. Capping off the day with an exciting trip seemed like a good idea. And the trip was good. It’s been a long long time since I’ve been there. It was not as exciting as I remember. That may be because I hadn’t been to as many intersting places the last time. Regardless, it was ok. We laughed a lot. Owen almost got himself stabbed. Retribution will be had. I slept suprisingly well. This morning also went well, though I stayed in bed several hours more than I probably should have. I came up to the mall to visit Michelle on her break between jobs. I was looking forward to it, but before I even got there I just ended up feeling depressed and wrestless. The feeling’s since past, and maybe it was related to not eating food. I don’t know. Anyways, there’s nothing exciting planned for tonight, but that might be a good thing. More to come later…

“If we had guns, we could get whatever kind of burgers we wanted!”

Alright, my vacation’s over. It was good while it lasted. Darkrave looked to be stressful, but it turned out to go alright afterall. Not a resounding success, but not terrible either. I was and still am sad that Michelle didn’t end up there, but there will be other times. This weekend was just kind of important. But then, anniversaries don’t mean much to me. It’s just an arbitrary time measurer. The feelings come and go despite the date. But I am affected by the feelings and moods of those around me, who may be influenced by these things.

So moving on… waking up is going slow today. Sometimes I just wake up with a craving for coffee and a cigarette. Unfortunately due to financial circumstances I have neither of those two things. i’m sure they’ll come along eventually, but I want them now. I do have a plan, but it may or may not work out depending on other people’s memory and scheduling ability. My hopes are not high, but I’m hoping to be suprised. I’ve got no agenda for the day yet. Perhaps some cleaning, which I’ve badly neglected over the past few weeks. Perhaps some visiting with dear friends I haven’t seen in a while. I guess I’ll just see how the day unfolds.

“Criminal enterprise is far more efficient than government. Though probably less criminal.”
- www.fredoneverything.net

I don’t feel like I want to be around anyone right now. Maybe there was too much busyness and stress over the holidays or something. Anyhow, don’t take it personally. I have nothing against any of you. I just need a vacation. My drop-in policy for my appartment is temporarily suspended. If you want to visit, please give me a call first. Sometimes I’m in a better mood to visit than others, so don’t hesitate to ask at least. Just don’t be upset if I say no. I’ve got lots of thinking to do, and I’m sure I’ll be in a better place in no time at all. Anyhow, lack of sleep is wearing on me, so I’m off to bed.

Yesterday I drank vodka for lunch. It made the rest of the day somewhat incoherent. Ended up at Owen and Trevor’s, where we decided we should go out to Chatsworth to play guitar and stuff. So we staked out Cara’s car at work, half an hour early, which turned out alright because we ran into Tap on his break and sat in his car with him while we waited for Cara. Finally got out to Chatsworth. Kris Patterson showed up later too, and we had a pretty good night all around. Trevor and Morgan wussed out and went home at 11. Owen and I overcaffinated ourselves and stayed up until about 5:30 in the morning. The plan was to stay up until 7 and catch a ride back into town with Cara on her way to work, but I succumbed to my body’s need for sleep eventually. Still managed to get up at 7 and come back to my house, where we slept until now. It’s time for more coffee!

This weekend, as most of you probably know, marks one year since my good friend Jeff died from cancer. We’re going to a rave. I’m really aprehensive about it right now. I don’t even know if I want to go. The DJ lineup sucks. We’re not taking a big crew down as previously planned because of transportation issues. Things feel a bit weird this month so far, so don’t be alarmed if I seem a bit different. I’m sure it will all get sorted out eventually. I’m not feeling too sociable either, so don’t be offended if I turn down social engagements or seem to not be enjoying myself if I do come out. It’s not you!

I’m going to kick Owen in the head until he wakes up and we’ll make some breakfast. Then I don’t know. I’ve got no agenda for the rest of the day. Or the week for that matter.

Someone at the party thought it would be neat to shake a champagne bottle and let it fly all over the place at midnight for our New Year’s party. It looks neat on TV. It’s not so neat when you have to clean it up from the attic floor. It’s especially not neat when it gets on the DJ’s turntables. To the blond girl that I saw doing it, what the hell were you thinking? We throw you a free party, the musicians came and played for you for free, and you feel it’s a clever idea to do that? The damage is repairable, but I’m just annoyed at the lack of respect of a very small handful of people at the party.

I slept for over 9 hours last night. I feel groggy, my head hurts, and now I’m annoyed at everything I was annoyed about before yesterday. I’ll have more to post about it in the future when I get some of it sorted out in my head or with the people involved.

The party went brilliantly. Mostly nothing was broken, the house wasn’t burned down, and no-one was injured too badly. There were a few cases of overindulgance, but nothing unhandleable. I spent most of the day relaxing at home with Andrew and Michelle. We watched lots of TV and ate stuff. I feel mostly recuperated. There was a lot of stress and work getting ready for the party, and a lot of work during the party. I took a day off from being around people too much, and it was good. I’m ready to face the world again. Tomorrow hopefully involves a visit with James. He’s good people. I haven’t seen him too much lately so I’m looking forward to it very much.

Next weekend is darkrave. I’m not sure who’s all going and how we’re getting down, and how we’re getting party supplies, but it’s going to happen, and it’s going to be good. Last night I worked hard to try to make sure everyone there could party in a fun, safe atmosphede, so I didn’t get to indulge myself. It’s what I wanted to do, so it’s all good, but next weekend I get to make up for it and have my fun. I can’t wait!

Now that the damned holidays are over, my schedule for January is wide open. I’m hoping to get around to hanging out with all the people I’ve been meaning too but haven’t had time to yet. Most of my days are free so if you want to do something whenever, just give me a ring. Now, it’s sleeping time. I only got two hours after the party so I’ve got some catching up to do.